You are not immune
By the official fwhilbur artist @lavalender
Anonymous asked:
i went online and saw scary sex so im petioning we shut down websites. no more loud and scary sex on my tv.
cottoncandylesbo answered:
^this guy cant handle the “PENIS FRIGHT” !
penis ensnare and penis beware,
BECOME ENTOMBED IN MY PENIS LAIR!
Wizard Council Provisional Spell Acceptance Application for: (Spell of Penis Lair)
[APPROVED]
hate bluetooth headphones that talk. you are a machine you may NOT speak to me
when headphones beep sadly because their battery is low: oh you poor thing :( let me plug you in :(
when headphones say "battery low" in a human voice: Who Are You Stop Interrupting My Music
just saw poop shit out a dogs ass in real time
U mean a mirror?
What the fuck do you mean by this
Don’t mind me…I’m just thinking about how spiders are naturally talented and skilled weavers and they know how to weave their webs and even make functional, stylish homes and nests and whatnot.
So maybe that’s why Spider-Man knows how to sew his suits. He inherited that trait from the spider and just instinctively know how to weave his suits. Maybe. That’s my explanation for it.
Aunt May: You're buying an awful lot of yarn lately. Are you making something?
Peter, who after getting bit by a spider has felt an inescapable need to knit and now his room is covered head to toe in yarn: Nope. It's just new hobby.
yknow what. i complained a lot about how it was unrealistic to suddenly know how to put together stretch knits and a perfectly fitting, absolute banger of a suit, but this is an explanation i’ll gladly accept
Cops say that they live in constant fear of having to defend themselves and being wrongly seen as murderers.
If that were true, they'd be demanding that all of their interactions be filmed from multiple angles in order to make it very clear that using deadly force was the only reasonable option available.
Instead, they complain about being filmed.
Cops say that their job is very dangerous and that every interaction they have could be their last.
If that were true, they'd be grateful that people want to repeal laws against victimless actions, use social workers instead of police to deal with mental illness, and reduce crime by making sure everyone has what they need to survive.
Instead, they complain whenever those policy changes are proposed.
They're not trying to protect their safety. They're trying to protect their power.
Yeah, that doesn't prevent pregnancy.
Dfgajagakala it’s so you don’t get a UTI 😂
*facepalm* So, given that sex ed in the US is a tire fire:
Vagina-having people have a shorter urethra, which means we’re more prone to UTIs because the bacteria doesn’t have to travel as far to get up into your bladder and cause a problem.
Which means if you’re exposing your bits to bacteria (as with sex), peeing will flush out bacteria in the urethra. (Urine isn’t actually sterile - that’s a myth - but you’re *supposed to* have a little bit of bacteria - that’s how bodies work. But it still flushes things out that shouldn’t be there.)
Oh! You should ALSO pee after you masturbate, especially if it involves penetration with fingers/toys/etc
So I’ve blocked like five transphobes on this post, which I feel should have been relatively uncontroversial.
If you’re one of the people saying “You meant ‘women’”, fuck you. I meant “people who have a vagina, regardless of their gender or lack thereof”, and you can go fuck yourself with a cactus.
And you should pee afterward, so you don’t get a UTI.
